....And Then He Juggled

Singledom is just a nightmare sometimes.

I have never tried the whole nice guy thing. There is some comfort in knowing a guy I like is an asshole. It has a warped sort of honesty to it. I am inherently distrustful of men who are not assholes. I have long held the belief that nice guys are really just assholes waiting to happen. Flowers, candy, dinner...It's all just a cheap ploy that only works on dumb girls. Now that I have tried the nice guy thing I know I am right.

I recently met one of these "nice guy" creatures. We had coffee the other day & it went really well. He didn't suck. Later we were talking and he asked me over to his place on Wednesday to hang out. We got thai food, talked & watched some TV. All seemed to be going well. As the evening progressed we started making out and what not. Eventually, we relocated to the bedroom (Yes, it is about as difficult to get me into a bedroom as it is to get a round peg into a round hole). I continue making sure said boy is ok with where everything is going. He assures me he is fine. Not that I really needed reassurance considering the blissfully happy look on his face.

Then without warning he stops.

I ask him what is wrong. He says he is just overloaded & wants to chill. We stop for a few minutes. I sense something is up, but I can't put my finger on it. I offer to leave. First he says no, but eventually changes his mind. As I'm gathering up my leftovers we are chatting. Being me I took the whole thing personally & felt like crap. He swears he is just in stuck in his head & needs to clear his thoughts.

I guess if it ended there I'd have considered this par for the course & not given it a second thought. However, this is my life & there just has to be something to add to it's fucked up quotient. While we are saying goodbye the boy in question decides to make a vain attempt at making me feel better about the now awkward situation. He proceeds as follows:
1) Picks up some objects off the bookshelf & begins juggling them for me.
2) Picks up a quarter & does a magic trick to make it disappear.
3) Picks up his cat & carries it around the living room like a pelt.

Only then am I allowed to escape the nightmare this had become.
Why me?

Mom Gets A Lesson In Leather

I have had to confront yet another parent & child sex discussion today. It has not even been two weeks since the fiasco with Grandpa getting some at the nursing home. Hell, this may even be karmic retribution for my post about Grandpa. Karma is such a bitch.

My mom & I were harmlessly chatting about trying to get a bank transaction reversed. Then she decided to click on the 'profile' button. She in fact did not get her profile, but got mine instead.
Welcome to one of the most mortifying conversations of my life...

Me: Transaction services sent me to card services, card services sent me to ach, but ach is out of the office so they sent me to accounting. Ok, I may have gotten it corrected, so just check the fax in a little while. Gretchen is going to tell Sarah the new fax number
Mom: ok
Me: It'll be some sort of half filled out ACH transaction form
Mom: k
Me: Basically it is authorizing the unauthorizing of my prior authorization
Me: Fun hey?
Mom: confusing collarme.com?? {On the off chance it isn't apparent Collar Me is a BDSM Site}
Me: what>
Mom: accidentally clicked profile and it is yours not mine
Me: don't look
Mom: not anymore
Mom: too scary
Me: hah
Me: Anyway, because it is within 60 days the cu seems to think it wont be an issue

Notice how NOT smoothly I handle that? Could I have deflected suspicion any more poorly?? Maybe said it was like Petco and I like shopping for cat collars there? Granted then she may have looked at it. Groan. On the one hand it was sort of my fault for having it out there, but my mom is no chat goddess or anything. The threat should have been minimal at best.

I adore my mom & we are very close, not this close. My mom is a sweet, if not naive person. Most of the seedier things in life she has learned because she had me as a daughter.

Yes, I am into BDSM. I am also more than comfortable with my kink status. I am not open, but not totally closeted about my sexual proclivities. Since I live with my mom she is bound (no pun intended) to notice a few things. I have a pin on my purse that says dominate, but it was a gift from a dear friend. I have black leather knee high boots. My blog & some of my other handles are prefaced with the word 'kinky'. However, none of these things scream sexual deviant quite the way a link to Collar Me does.
Oh, but I do recall our first conversation about handcuffs going about as well. It was a Sunday morning, the paper is being read, coffee is being drank...
Mom: (whispers something)
Me: What?
Mom: (attempting to be cool) I said you need to be more careful about leaving your handcuffs out.
{My mind is racing for why this has come up. What has she found? What does she know?}
Me: What are you talking about?
Mom: You left them on the staircase ledge {The stairs have an upper & lower ledge, my mom does not ever come upstairs unless she thinks I am dead}
Me: Oh, those handcuffs? I won them when Adrianna & I were at the arcade after dinner. You know, you win tickets and trade them in for stuff? {Sadly this is true, I was drunk & won them at the arcade, hell they were still in the box}
Mom: Oh, ok. Well, you still shouldn't leave that stuff laying around.
Me: What were you even doing upstairs?
Mom: I had to take the flooring guy up to measure the spare room. Luckily I saw them sitting there, grabbed them, shoved them under my shirt & snuck them into your bedroom before he could see them.
Me: (laughing hysterically) Ok, was it worth the 007 effort to make sure the flooring guy didn't see the handcuffs?
Mom: What would he think if he had?!?!
Me: I'm not boring in bed?

God, my poor mother.

**Update: Ok, apparently I misunderstood my mom. Tonight she decided to revist the Collar Me issue. Why? I have no clue. Anyway, it seems she did in fact click on the link. She actually said "I thought it was some BLOGGING thing". Then in some attempt to bond with me proclaims that she doesn't like swingers. Well, good mom because I'm into beating on boys. I mean what the hell do you say in that situation? I'd just like to crawl in a hole & die now.

Blogwars: Week 3 Results

For Piggy Cheater:


Enjoy it while it lasts PT. You can't have that many friends!!

Tuesday: Monday the Sequel

There has been a lot of talk about the Supreme Court as of late. In honor of this I have decided to explain what I think the next constitutional amendment should be & why.

Kinky Poe's 28th Constitutional Amendment: No person should have to leave their house on a Tuesday if they feel it is not necessary or in fact may be detrimental to their well being.

Here is the deal: I have NEVER had a great Tuesday. I will inevitably feel angst ridden, bad things will happen & I will repeat phrases such as 'It's really irritating to be alive on Tuesdays' or 'Why did I leave the house this morning?' throughout the course of the day.

All the other days have a place, some redeeming quality to them...
Monday: The first day of the week, how bad can it be?
Wednesday: Affectionately known as hump day. I've heard this has something to do with being in the middle of the week. Apparently I was misinterpreting the term hump. Oops.
Thursday: Hey, it's almost Friday. Often a payday for people & the weekend is in your sights.
Friday: TGIF - Look it already has an acronym. Clearly a beloved day.
Saturday: Free from the grind. Personal time abound.
Sunday: The best day of the week to feel pointless & it is completely ok to do so. Church & football reign supreme on this special day of the week.

But what about Tuesday? Nothing more than Monday, the sequel as far as I can tell & in true sequel form, it is not as good as the original.

I have done some informal studies on how others feel about Tuesdays. It seems there is a secret epidemic plaguing our country called Tuesday. I can not find anyone who has good Tuesdays. No one seems particularly fond of them. Some examples of recent Tuesdays:
09/20: I came down with my first case of hives. Ever had hives? I had no clue what was going on & was fairly certain that something straight out of Invasion was taking over my body. Low & behold I just ate too many fresh tomatoes from my cute elderly neighbor's garden. Well, it's either the tomatoes or stress. The giant, roving, itchy masses that plagued my body last night were not very specific in why they showed up.
09/20: From an email I got: "You'd do me a favor if you killed me."
08/30: My mom had finally found her dream car to replace her beloved ol' Acura TL. A white loaded, 2002 V6 Honda Accord. She picked it up on Friday night. A whopping 3 days later her pristine baby gets nailed from behind by a pregnant woman. She came home completely broken hearted & you know what I said? "Of course your new car got hit, it's Tuesday!"

Originally I contemplated taking Tuesday out of the week entirely. However, I feared that another day would simply take over Tuesday's residual bad karma. Therefore I propose that Tuesdays become wholly optional. There will be no penalty if you choose to hide under the covers in the safety of your bed all day. Any missed work will be paid leave. There is no bad to this plan. Well, unless your house starts on fire...And if it does I am positive it will be on a Tuesday.

Stupidity: It's not just for breakfast anymore!

The intellectually challenged people I meet almost always seem obliviously happy. Some time ago I cracked the mystery as to why...
Clearly they are not smart enough to be unhappy about anything.
With that said I was sorting through some old papers & stumbled across this old article I had to share:

Among the Inept, Researchers Discover, Ignorance Is Bliss
By Erica Goode

There are many incompetent people in the world. Dr. David A. Dunning is haunted by the fear he might be one of them. Dr. Dunning, a professor of psychology at Cornell, worries about this because, according to his research, most incompetent people do not know that they are incompetent.

On the contrary. People who do things badly, Dr. Dunning has found in studies conducted with a graduate student, Justin Kruger, are usually supremely confident of their abilities -- more confident, in fact, than people who do things well. ''I began to think that there were probably lots of things that I was bad at and I didn't know it,'' Dr. Dunning said.

One reason that the ignorant also tend to be the blissfully self-assured, the researchers believe, is that the skills required for competence often are the same skills necessary to recognize competence. The incompetent, therefore, suffer doubly, they suggested in a paper appearing in the December issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. ''Not only do they reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize it,'' wrote Dr. Kruger, now an assistant professor at the University of Illinois, and Dr. Dunning.

This deficiency in ''self-monitoring skills,'' the researchers said, helps explain the tendency of the humor-impaired to persist in telling jokes that are not funny, of day traders to repeatedly jump into the market -- and repeatedly lose out -- and of the politically clueless to continue holding forth at dinner parties on the fine points of campaign strategy. Some college students, Dr. Dunning said, evince a similar blindness: after doing badly on a test, they spend hours in his office, explaining why the answers he suggests for the test questions are wrong.

In a series of studies, Dr. Kruger and Dr. Dunning tested their theory of incompetence. They found that subjects who scored in the lowest quartile on tests of logic, English grammar and humor were also the most likely to ''grossly overestimate'' how well they had performed. In all three tests, subjects' ratings of their ability were positively linked to their actual scores. But the lowest-ranked participants showed much greater distortions in their self-estimates. Asked to evaluate their performance on the test of logical reasoning, for example, subjects who scored only in the 12th percentile guessed that they had scored in the 62nd percentile, and deemed their overall skill at logical reasoning to be at the 68th percentile.

Similarly, subjects who scored at the 10th percentile on the grammar test ranked themselves at the 67th percentile in the ability to ''identify grammatically correct standard English,'' and estimated their test scores to be at the 61st percentile. On the humor test, in which participants were asked to rate jokes according to their funniness (subjects' ratings were matched against those of an ''expert'' panel of professional comedians), low-scoring subjects were also more apt to have an inflated perception of their skill. But because humor is idiosyncratically defined, the researchers said, the results were less conclusive.

Unlike their unskilled counterparts, the most able subjects in the study, Dr. Kruger and Dr. Dunning found, were likely to underestimate their own competence. The researchers attributed this to the fact that, in the absence of information about how others were doing, highly competent subjects assumed that others were performing as well as they were -- a phenomenon psychologists term the ''false consensus effect.'' When high scoring subjects were asked to ''grade'' the grammar tests of their peers, however, they quickly revised their evaluations of their own performance. In contrast, the self-assessments of those who scored badly themselves were unaffected by the experience of grading others; some subjects even further inflated their estimates of their own abilities. ''Incompetent individuals were less able to recognize competence in others,'' the researchers concluded.

In a final experiment, Dr. Dunning and Dr. Kruger set out to discover if training would help modify the exaggerated self-perceptions of incapable subjects. In fact, a short training session in logical reasoning did improve the ability of low-scoring subjects to assess their performance realistically, they found. The findings, the psychologists said, support Thomas Jefferson's assertion that ''he who knows best knows how little he knows.'' And the research meshes neatly with other work indicating that overconfidence is common; studies have found, for example, that the vast majority of people rate themselves as ''above average'' on a wide array of abilities -- though such an abundance of talent would be impossible in statistical terms. And this overestimation, studies indicate, is more likely for tasks that are difficult than for those that are easy.

Such studies are not without critics. Dr. David C. Funder, a psychology professor at the University of California at Riverside, for example, said he suspected that most lay people had only a vague idea of the meaning of ''average'' in statistical terms. ''I'm not sure the average person thinks of 'average' or 'percentile' in quite that literal a sense,'' Dr. Funder said, ''so 'above average' might mean to them 'pretty good,' or 'O.K.,' or 'doing all right.' And if, in fact, people mean something subjective when they use the word, then it's really hard to evaluate whether they're right or wrong using the statistical criterion.''

But Dr. Dunning said his current research and past studies indicated that there were many reasons why people would tend to overestimate their competency, and not be aware of it. In some cases, Dr. Dunning pointed out, an awareness of one's own inability is inevitable: ''In a golf game, when your ball is heading into the woods, you know you're incompetent,'' he said. But in other situations, feedback is absent, or at least more ambiguous; even a humorless joke, for example, is likely to be met with polite laughter. And faced with incompetence, social norms prevent most people from blurting out ''You stink!'' – truthful though this assessment may be.

All of which inspired in Dr. Dunning and his co-author, in presenting their research to the public, a certain degree of nervousness. ''This article may contain faulty logic, methodological errors or poor communication,'' they cautioned in their journal report. ''Let us assure our readers that to the extent this article is imperfect, it is not a sin we have committed knowingly.''

Copyright 2000 The New York Times Company
The New York Times, Tuesday, January 18, 2000

Blogwars: Week 2 Results

For Piggy:

Note all lines go through quite nicely this week.

Zeig Heil Little Flag

I read up on the recent decision of Judge Lawrence Karlton which affirmed the reciting of the Pledge of Allegiance as unconstitutional. I am happy to mark one down for my 'team'.

I happen to be one of the people who gets riled up about the 'under god' portion of the pledge or the 'only one god' part of the ten commandments. I don't believe in god. Thus, any reference to god makes my skin crawl a little. It also means there is no way to incorporate religion into something that would make me feel any better. However, it is NOT because I have some secret Atheist agenda. I do not think school is the place for anything religious be it the commandments, intelligent design or the pledge. Parents should be responsible for teaching those things in their home or at a church. If someone has a desperate need for religion & education to comingle then they can send their kid to catholic school.

The Ten Commandments:
Why posting the ten commandments is even at question is beyond me. Not only is it religious, but it is blatently christian. So, basically to satisfy one group we should offend everyone who is not a christian? It doesn't seem logical to me when religion could simply be left out of government institutions, state buildings, etc all together. A lack of religion in public places doesn't offend anyone, it just means the religous have to eliminate those places as marketing opportunities. I mean Trojan can't advertise condoms before a certain time of night. So I'm just backing the idea that christians can't advertise in state sanctioned places. No biggie.

The Pledge:
There is a creepy Nazi-esque quality to saying the pledge. I remember standing up everyday in 7th grade geography, facing the flag & rambling off the preordained paragraph. Though years before I became an Atheist I do remember thinking this was silly & pointless. Do we need to have publically sanctioned daily allegiance to prove we are happy to be Americans? Not to mention when you force kids that age to recite things they become oblivious to it. We were 30 sleepy, 12 yr olds in a room with no windows. I promise I was not thinking about the pledge when I recited it. I was all about the cute boy in the second row & who I was going to sit with at lunch. I know I was not thinking "Yay, I'm still a fucking American just like I have been everyday since birth". Plus, wouldn't it be quicker to just have all the kids give one good 'Zeig Heil' & get back to learning something they don't already know?

Intelligent Design: Not even going there. If you buy into that & we need to have a much longer discussion about a little thing I call reality.

The more the religious try to infiltrate the state the more it makes me want to fight back. If the religious right would just get keep their religion to themselves I wouldn't feel the need to antagonize them so much.
Eh, I think I am having a 'why can't we all just get along?' moment & should promptly end this ramble.

Doing My Part To Piss Off The Religious Right

I saw this on another blog & had to share it (with tongue in cheek of course):



Does anyone wonder why I am scared of religious folk??
I'm perfectly content with my non-prostelytizing Atheism. At least I can go to bed at night knowing I'm not using terrorist tactics to convert others.

Knee-mail Gets A Friend

A couple days ago I put up a post about god answering knee-mail.
Much to my surprise I stumbled across the perfect webbsite to promote the whole knee-mail thing:
Pray4theusa.com
They advertise right on the front page that I can get "prayer points".
I had no idea you could earn points for this whole prayer thing. I wonder is it like my rewards card at that gas station or the cash back bonuses that credit cards offer? Is it possible I might be able to earn my way out of hell? Can I get a buy one get one free on miracles?
Alas, I was disappointed to find out I misinterpreted the context of points. When I clicked on the prayer points tab all I got was a sort of tip sheet on what to pray for.

Is it just me or does it defeat the purpose of praying if you need to be told what to ask for? I'm no zealot or anything, but I guess I don't see a high level of devotion involved in reading a weekly email to god.

Now, if you are very into this whole knee-mail, prayer via the web idea you should also check out The Presidential Prayer Team.
Team? It's football season. The only team on my mind is the Green Bay Packers. You know what I'm praying for? I'm praying the Pack get a touchdown this week.
Granted, I'll admit if I was into the whole prayer thing I can see how Dubya is at the top of the list in terms of needing some divine intervention:
"Lord, save my ass from all my bad decisions, my low IQ & my evil, evil thoughts about bending Condi over my desk"

Oooh look! I made a prayer point!!

Unruly Bush

Ok, I can't stop myself from posting my 2 favorite Bush pics that have come out recently...


The rapidly spreading 'potty break for Bush'. I have two concerns on this one:
1) Why is he posing this as a question to Rice? Is she also the Secretary of Urinals?
2) How come our president can't commit to either capital letters or not? BATHroom. Hmm, clearly an indicator of his ability to focus.

Did this really have to be labeled 'Breaking News'? I was well of his failures after the first four years.

Ikea & FEMA: Co-Conspirators?

Here is a safety tip: Never injure yourself at an Ikea store. The odds of it being lethal are pretty high.

Not all that long ago I took a day trip with my mom down to the Ikea in Schaumburg IL. We arrived in the morning right as they opened. Apparently it was some sort of employee training day because everywhere we went there was a troop of little blue shirted smurf-esque looking people intently listening to some sort of leader smurf. What I did not know when I first saw these future employees was that they were in fact being trained to function about as effectively as FEMA.

Eventually, I made my way to the office furniture. The desk I want is sitting out on the floor. Perfect. I go to one of the Ikea outposts where you can check catalogs, grab paper & a pencil and what not. I take one of the disposable tape measures provided at said outpost & head back over to measure the desk's height. In an attempt to straighten out my pseudo tape measure I accidentally slid my finger across the edge of it. I proceed to give myself an inch long paper cut on my finger. Not only does it hurt like hell, but I am bleeding excessively. I was looking for an employee when I catch sight of one in a small side office. The young man is on the phone, but behind his head I see the holy grail, a first aid kit. I was standing there for what seemed like an eternity. I was getting antsy so I had my mom take over the waiting. I return a few minutes later and announce 'He is still on the phone?'. My mom's response was one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard:
"He had to make another call because he is not authorized to give out bandaids"
I have heard of red tape, but are you kidding me?? NOT FUCKING AUTHORIZED TO HANDOUT ADHESIVE STRIPS!
Not that I'm a risk or anything, but haven't the Ikea employees heard of blood born pathogens? How about AIDS? I could be rampantly contaminating cheap Swedish items with my fierce ass paper cut.
Some twenty minutes after the initial injury I finally got the prized bandaid. Of course by that time I was no longer bleeding.

I have since come to the conclusion that Ikea is clearly in cohoots with FEMA.

Sex & Death

The 502, myself & Northern Born Southerner have been going round & round about the concept of Atheism (Post). It got me to thinking about my own beliefs...again. The odd thing about beliefs is you don't really contemplate them until someone challenges you on them. They are an innate part of who you are. It becomes almost like breathing. I decided to put some thoughts down for anyone else who wants to flip out on me because I'm a non-believer....

It occurred to me a lot of my posts are inadvertently about sex & religion. Notably, my sex & religion posts also get the most comments. So my readers must be on the bandwagon as well. What bandwagon? The Sex & Death bandwagon.

Most of my beliefs about the world come from Sociobiological theory. For those of you who don't know...
Sociobiology is a synthesis of scientific disciplines that attempts to explain behavior in all species by considering the evolutionary advantages of social behaviors (Thanks Wiki)

Here is the deal:
1) Sex: You can boil almost anything down to having a reproductive motive (Has anyone counted the mommy blogs lately?)
2) Death: Everything that is not about reproduction is usually about survival. Religion is a mechanism people use to deal with their own mortality.

I know it isn't the most sugar coated of philosophies, but it works for me. I think that is all anyone can honestly say about their beliefs. None of us can technically prove we are right or wrong. The important thing is that whatever you believe makes you a better person. If I can do that without a 'god' figure good for me. If a supreme being gets you through the night, more power to you.

Grandpa Doesn't Need No Stinking Viagra

Human nature dictates a mental block exists wherein children & parents cannot conceptualize the other having sex. Children want to believe they were immaculately conceived, parents want to think their children die virgins. Anything else is icky.

Last night I turn up at Breakers, a bar/gun club where my cousin was having her 30th birthday party. You know you are asking for trouble when there are two family events less than seven days apart. Don't get me wrong I had a nice time & all, but the first conversation I walked into was one of the most unnerving imaginable.

My grandfather was put into a nursing home almost a year ago due to his alzheimers. My uncle Michael took on the responsibility of being his legal guardian. Did you know included in this responsibility is guardianship of someone's sex life? Yeah, me either.

Grandpa had previously been talked to about kissing a female friend at the nursing home. I had not heard anything of the nursing home vixen since then. Well, it seems Grandpa requested permission to have sex with this woman. By state law the home has to afford him this opportunity, but there are a few catches:
1) His doctor has to deem him healthy enough for sexual activity
2) His guardian (aka his son) has to sign paperwork allowing him to have sex

Being far enough removed from my grandpa I can see the humor in the situation. However, the six of his seven children who were at that party were only so thrilled. My mom, the eldest, is most concerned that Grandpa could break something. I promptly offered the idea of looking into sexual injury insurance. It's kind of like personal injury, only more specific.

I wonder what kind of pickup lines the octogenarian crowd uses...Are there a lot of ill fated references to being able t o take out your teeth? Is being the nursing home stud involve things like 'Hey baby, I'm depends free'?

However, bar none the most depressing aspect was the idea that grandpa might get some this week & I won't.

Blog Wars: Week 1 Results

Vote For A Fetus

I realize I am a somewhat disturbed individual. My sense of humor is a tad dark, but it's all part of my charm. This is just a warning for my request...
I came across the Fetusmart website last night & found it hysterical. I have decided to add a Fetusmart Fetus to my sidebar, but am having a hard time picking one. So I will offer a poll on the matter. Leave your vote in the comment section & help me adopt a fetus!
1) The Death Fetus:


2) The Emo Fetus:


3) Other Fetusmart Fetus (Please specify)

Again With The Religious

I am a devout Atheist (if you can be devout & an Atheist). I tend to be of the belief that everyone can have their beliefs, just don't give me shit about mine.
That being said I can't help but think some people set themselves up for attack. There is a company I pass on the freeway near my house that likes to 'advertise' little religious sayings for the hapless masses forced to drive by. Today's message topped all others:
"God Answers Knee-mail"
My first thought was 'Wouldn't it be more correct to say kneel mail?', but that sounds dumb. Then I started contemplating the hilarity of the statement itself. I think I need a knee-mail address. What would the dot com be on that anyway?
Some ideas:
xxx@AmITalkingToMyself.com
xxx@DoesGodHaveReturnReceipt.com
xxx@MyKneesAreShotCanIUseSitMailInstead.com
xxx@UsuallyWhenImOnMyKneesThereIsAManInvolved.com

I wonder how often god checks his knee-mail. I bet there are some southerners thinking 'Not fast enough'.
Anyway, I think I will work on this whole god email domain idea some more....

Relativism Rules!

Not feeling particularly witty or verbose today, so I will post someone else's wit:

God, Protect Me From Your Followers

Unbeknownst to me the hurricane was a gift from god. Luckily, the Christian right has again come to my ignorant aid. This article over at Agape Press lays out how Katrina is one of the good things god has done for the world.

"“New Orleans now is abortion free. New Orleans now is Mardi Gras free. New Orleans now is free of Southern Decadence and the sodomites, the witchcraft workers, false religion -- it's free of all of those things now," Shanks says. "God simply, I believe, in His mercy purged all of that stuff out of there -- and now we're going to start over again."

My bad. Here I thought nature had taken its course and New Orleans got the short end of the stick. I am obviously mistaken. Again, I get down on my knees & thank the good Christians who jumped to point out the error of my ways. The world is now free from abortions, witchcraft & sodomy. Whew. I was getting worried.

But, wait...
What if the people who practice these things made it out alive?
What if they are spreading their evil voodoo abortions & anal sex in Texas?
What if there are co-conspirators elsewhere in the country secretly donating lube & coat hangers?
Is the Red Cross needlessly fueling the fire?
Is someone out there checking to make sure that everyone getting food, water & shelter is not some unholy sodomite or baby killer?

Didn't Hitler color code Jews, homosexuals & gypsies during the holocaust? We should definitely implement this for Katrina refugees.
I'm thinking:
Brown = Sodomites
Red = Baby Killers
Black = Non-believers, witchcraft practicers
Rainbow = Mardi Gras enjoyers & Homosexuals

I need to garner some support for this color coding movement. So please take advantage of this chance to bind ourselves together with more hate. You never know when these opportunities will come our way again.

Support The Color Coding Of Sinners!
Get Your CCSM Support Ribbon Here!

Iron Hymen

Anyone who reads my blog knows I am not keen on the idea of abstinence. I think this parody of the concept is beautiful. Don't miss the male counterpart either: Sex Is For Fags.

Mexican Hat Dance On My Soul

My best friend actually called me from a bar at 1030p on Saturday to break the news: Chief Justice Rehnquist is dead at 80.

I was a political science major with a law studies emphasis. I also reside in Rehnquist's hometown Milwaukee, WI.

I'm obsessed with the Supreme Court. I find it to be the least corrupt & most noble of the three bodies of government. Although very few people realize it, the Court is also the most influential body. I often feel the members of the Court are more important than who is president. Any old Dubya or Reagan can achieve the glorious post of dumb figurehead. One actually has to be qualified to make the Supreme Court. Unfortunately the dumb figurehead gets to nominate the people who will eventually hold these positions.

Right on the heels of Sandra Day O'Conner's retirment we are slammed with this tragedy. Along with the war in Iraq, the devastation of New Orleans there are now two open positions on the court. My worst fears are being realized. This was the single most important issue to me when I voted in the last two presidential elections. I did not want Captain Doorknob selecting any of these lifetime positions. This is the only irreversible decision he will make. The ramifications of what happens next are massive & long lasting.

Dubya idolizes the Justices I most disagree with (Big shock). He would love a court full of little Scalia wannabes. I on the other hand actually would like to have some of my civil rights left when he leaves office.

Rehnquist was appointed as a conservative. That being said he ended up not being a wholly conservative Justice. One of the most respectable things about Rehnquist is that he didn't make his judicial decisions along an ideological line (Granted coming from Wisconsin at the time he did, Rehnquist was likely far more Socialist than anything else). He worked diligently to keep a 'balanced court'. That is what we are losing with O'conner's departure & Renhquist's death, balance. I am happy to let the conservatives have a voice on the Court, but I don't want them to be the only voice.

As a woman, the scariest part of this shifting court is the abortion issue. I don't necessarily want to kill babies, but I am a gownup & think I should be able to make those types of decisions for myself. The government can't get out of Iraq or clean up New Orleans, but they get to decided whether or not I should be a mother? Fuck that.

I honestly think the Rehnquist Court was one of the most successful in the history of the body. I am terrified at what the future now holds for us.

Rehnquist was an important & pivotal figure and he will be sorely missed.

To Hell & Back In An Afternoon

This weekend I had the token Labor Day family gathering.

I have a relatively large family as my mom is the oldest of seven & all the subsequent breeding has led to a healthy number of us. Amidst the chaos I noticed that there was something distinctly amiss with my prescence: I was the only person in attendence without a significant other. I am used to being the black sheep in my family. I am relatively certain no one thinks I am a closeted lesbian. However, the older I get the more I feel this creepy stigma attached to my perpetual singlehood. I have Bridget Jones-esque nightmares about ending up in festive sweaters trying to attract men at gatherings.

Normally I have my black sheep partner in crime my Uncle Rob. He for like the last decade or so has been my compatriot in damning the family trend. Alas, even he turned up with the 'girlfriend'. To which my wannabe frat boy cousin promptly cheered, cheered in that way that screams 'It's good to know your not gay since you live near Boystown (a heavily homosexual neighborhood in Chicago) & all'.
Also new to our insane family events were girls belonging to the frat boy cousin Peter & my cousin Scott. Almost immediately, Uncle Breeder (He has 5 kids & an irritating wife) acosts my Aunt for a status on the seriousness of Scott & Peter's situations. Why does he care? Is this critical information? I don't even bother to learn people's names until they show up at least two Christmas parties.

I don't understand the need to be betrothed. I like having men in my life, but that doesn't mean I am out to trap one, suck out his soul & keep his shell around for the next couple decades. I broke eHarmony. I refuse to wear lipstick to the gas station just in case the one is at the next pump. I have never sent a man to sleep on the couch. I'd rather fuck my friends because I already know I like them as people. My most successful relationship involved not dating for a year.

But leave it to your family to make you feel like the freak of the century.

Pocahon-Dog

No words are really needed for this one.

Is it just me?

My Katrina thoughts of the day:
How is it one could misplace a child during a natural disaster?

I have come across a couple of these 'Mom cries over missing kids' type captions. I'm no parent, but I have seen those child leashes used rather effectively at the mall. I can understand the people who were washed away or what have you, but how on earth do you evacuate & forget your offspring?

And the 'Could it get any worse?' award goes to these people whose evacuation bus tipped over. Bet there are going to be some new Atheists coming of that load.

Watersports (or My Obligatory Katrina Post)

Warning: Unpopular Opinions Ahead!
I dodged the Sheehan fiasco. I ignored the Chavez debacle. However, since Katrina isn't just political BS I will throw up the obligatory post on it.

Is it a tragedy? Yes.
Does it suck if you are in New Orleans? Yes.

That being said I am really tired of the faux insincerity that comes out of people during events like this. I can't stand how every other day of their lives people could give two shits about the world around them. It always takes a 9/11 or a Katrina to snap people out of their self involved little bubbles.

"I sat & cried"

No you didn't, you are in fucking North Dakota or Vermont or some other dry fucking place just like the rest of us thinking 'God I love my shit, I'm so glad I didn't lose all my shit'.
I do not believe people across the country are sitting around in tears over the victims of the hurricane. If you are I feel doubly sorry for you since you are exactly the kind of hypocrite I am talking about.
I don't trust people who only care when it is warranted. Caring about others is one of those things you either do it or you don't. If there has to be a natural disaster to stir up your teflon coated emotions, please keep you sympathy to yourself.

Then there is the question of whether or not sympathy is warranted. I feel for those who lost everything & are being shuffled off to Texas like Palestinian refugees. I feel for those too young to comprehend what has just happened. I do NOT feel for the looters armed to the teeth ready to off anyone who screws with them or the dvd player they just hijacked.
Sadly, the looters represent more of this country's mentality than anything else I have seen.

What upsets me the most is the pets. I have long felt that animals were better than people in a lot of ways. Their emotions are genuine, they treat you how you treat them, they are truly noble creatures and they will never be looting with an AK47 strapped to their paws. I know that had I been confronted with a situation like this my pets would be as safe as I was even if it meant I could carry a few less meaningless possessions.

I could go on, but instead I'm just going to leave some pictures I have found particularly relevant to my feelings on Katrina.

The Good:
The Bad:The Ugly:

Help these victims too: