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Quarter Lifer

Quarter Lifer: But I Don't Want God In My Threesome!

8/23/2005

But I Don't Want God In My Threesome!

I read this article a few weeks ago & was so disturbed I feel it is my duty to share the pain. Especially the parts about 'Tight nylon shorts' which are apparently a big thing for Stephen Arterburn. Can you say repressed fetish?
As long as you stay pure -- resist jerking off -- you can wear your masturband. Give in, and off it goes, a scarlet letter in reverse...I notice he's not wearing one now. He's not embarrassed. Sexuality, he believes, is not a private matter.
Does anyone announce their masturbation habits through jewelry? No. Why? Because it is lame. My mom does not need to know how long it has been since I have or have not masturbated. Not to mention I would probably never have the damn thing on, because oh yeah - MASTURBATION IS NORMAL & GOOD! Also, if sexuality is not a private matter then why aren't you calling Dubbya for new positions & lube recommendations? I am sure Laura takes it in the ass every now & then. Why not go hog wild & totally regulate the activity? I am talking time, place, type, length of intercourse...As far as I'm concerned people can screw hanging upside down from a chandelier as long as it is consentual.
Every encounter must be a kind of threesome: man, wife and the Lord. Without that, it's just fucking.
I have had threesomes, the lord declined his invitation. Thank god for small favors & staying the fuck out of my orgies. Besides if I was the one who got to pick Johnny Depp & Jill Hennesey would be getting phone calls long before god.
For single men, wet dreams, if purged of sexual imagery, can act as God's natural release valve.
Does anyone think this is possible? And does it count if you don't remember your dream being hot?
Women obsessed with winning the privileges of men rather than learning to enjoy the pleasures of Christian submission, men demanding the fast-food sexuality of explicit imagery.
The last time I checked I wasn't interested in winning the pleasures of a man. However, I am all for winning the pleasures of an orgasm.
He [Power] was a man known to be on fire for God. The girl - a "baby Christian," in the lingo -- wanted to get closer to that warmth. She did so the only way she knew how: "A blow job," says Power...The experience, he says, broke his heart. What it did for the girl, he can't even imagine.
Does anyone really just melt into a puddle over someone who is hot for jesus? And since when does receiving oral break a person's heart? Did she not do it right? Refused to swallow? A biter perhaps? Word on the street is those baby christians tend to be biters.

I could go on forever about purity manuals, masturbands & outpatient clinics for the horny. I'm just so upset that this is the youth's view of sexuality. Why on Earth would someone choose to deny their own sexuality? It is such a core part of being human. I am constantly trying to expand, not contract my sexual horizons. Have you seen 40 Days & 40 Nights? There is a reason to masturbate, there is a reason we crave sex. It's all part of being an upright animal. Why is this so traumatic for people? Fighting something so inherent in our nature is going to lead to a lot of screwed up people.
Need proof? Look into this country's best loved serial killers. I really believe if Dahmer could have gotten into a nice BDSM community things would have turned out so much differently.

If you just can't get enough christian anti-sexness also check out True Love Waits - It is equally disturbing.

3 Comments:

FANTASTIC! I laughed my ass off, I'm so glad I found this blog!

12:58 PM  

Hmmn, I dunno. I mean it is GOD. Considering he could do what he wants to, I would imagine hes pretty well equipped in certain departments, dontcha think? ;)

10:29 PM  

Hilarious! I only wish that some of the men you are quoting actually would masturbate more ... so much so that they would have no sperm left to employ in the act of reproduction. That way, they would have fewer offspring to brainwash and indoctrinate with this outrageous self-denial crap.

And God often IS in my sexual escapades. I know it because the ladies are always screaming out "YES!! OH MY GOD!!"

(Throw me a softball and I'm gonna swing ...) -- d.a.

6:31 PM  

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