Ways You Know You Are Unemployed

1) You consider dressing up putting a bra on to go to the gas station
2) You fear leaving the house because it will cost money
3) You develop inane projects like obsessively blogging to keep yourself entertained
4) You develop insomnia due to inactivity
5) You masturbate during daylight hours
6) You don't eat, it's too expensive & not really worth the effort
7) You smoke twice as much as normal, not only does it serve as entertainment but compensates for the lack of food in the kitchen
8) You have deep conversations with your pets
9) You memorize daytime TV schedules
10) You take showers on an as needed basis. Need is defined by people asking 'Do you smell something?' or alternately you take one every 3 hours for 'fun'
11) You think too much....about everything