Where is my montage scene?

"I thought it was gonna be like in the movies -- you know, inspirational music, a montage: me sharpening my pencil, me reading, writing, falling asleep on a big pile of books with my glasses all crooked, 'cause in my montage, I have glasses. But real life is slow, and it's starting to hurt my occipital lobe." - Buffy, the vampire slayer

From what I can tell women love their thirties. Therefore I have decided I want a montage scene from now until I'm 30. I thought I was doing everything the 'right' way to be wildly successful & happy in my twenties. However, something has goine horribly awry with the plan and I'm not exactly sure where, but have to hope it gets better than this.

20 - I was back in school after having taken a year off. I gave up my lifelong dream of being a horse trainer in order to be a responsible grownup. All this really got me was a crappy job in between classes and a massive drug habit.

21 - Decided to get off drugs, went to Egypt & outside that led a mundane existence that revolved around playing board games with my best friend in an attempt for us to stay clean.

23 - Had finished my political science degree, was unemployed for 9 months only to land a awesome job I loved & met the person who will probably go down as the love of my life.

24 - Love of my life breaks my heart, but I get the career opportunity of my dreams.

25 - Spent 9 months traveling around the US & Canada busting my ass to make the most out of my aforementioned career opportunity. Ran an amazingly successful PC deployment for GE Healthcare only to have my own company get bought out & then fire me for being sarcastic & unapproachable.

Since then I had my 26th birthday and got a tattoo to commerate my birthday/firing. The 2 things occurred within days of each other. My best friend isn't doing much better though followed a very similar path. She has a lousy paying state job in buttfuck nowhere Wisconsin. I have no job. We are both perpertually single & often overdrawn on our checking accounts. She has an apartment she can barely afford to heat & I still live at home. So here we are intelligent, educated, attractive young women who are rapidly approaching 30. There is no marital bliss, no careers to speak of and certainly not the glorious future we shooting for when we decided being junkies wasn't a good plan.

I have another friend who I adore that went the complete opposite route. She is also intelligent and attractive. However, she finished high school through the mail, has never worked outside of her home. She ended up with the husband that makes a six figure salary, a house, dogs, cats....the whole nine yards.

I just don't get it sometimes. I often aspire to throw in the towel, marry the first older rich guy who enjoys my affections & say to hell with playing by the rules. The rules haven't gotten me anything so far. However, when I read this it gave me some hope that should my montage come, it will get better from here on out....

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.
Andy Rooney