Quarter Lifer

Quarter Lifer: Did Everyone Just Skip Jew Day In History Class?


Did Everyone Just Skip Jew Day In History Class?

I am having a huge 'What the hell is wrong with people?' kind of day. For whatever reason my anger is directed at the stupidity of people when it comes to the Jews.
I happen to be a history buff of sorts. I love ancient, WW2 & middle eastern history the most. I took way too many history classes in college & spent an obscene amount of time in the Hebrew studies department...and no I'm not Jewish. Actually the short version of my heritage makes me a German Gypsy. So basically during the Holocaust I would have had to persecute myself.

Speaking of the Holocaust, in case anyone missed the memo (I know for sure it didn't make it to Iran)...IT DID FUCKING HAPPEN! I'm German, I know how anal we are. I'm pretty sure the records about those 6 million dead Jews were pretty fucking accurate. I think the only thing that would have made them more accurate was if the Nazi's had been able to use excel.

Ironically I do feel bad for the Palestinians as well. Personally, I blame the British but that only makes sense if you've read as much crap on the politics of the time as I have. Regardless, that doesn't negate the fact that the Jews got the short stick when it comes to the whole genocide thing.

Why the sudden bug up my ass about Jews? Aside from pre-existing obsession with the Holocaust there is the fact that I'm romantically interested in a Jew for the first time. However, I'm not the type to get on a high horse just because I have a thing for a Jew. The main reason is the fiasco in Iran. Some articles I've come across recently that drove me batty:

*Iran Leader: Move Israel To Europe - The article actually includes the subtitle 'Ahmadinejad casts doubt on Holocaust'. First off, there is no doubt. If you have any doubts about the occurrence of the Holocaust please get the fuck off my planet. Secondly, I'm going to have to go ahead & say that it is a little late to change where Israel is. Now, maybe in 1945 when the whole thing was just getting started I could see this. For all intensive purposes I don't think it was the best place for the Zionists to pick. Now they are there & have a population over 6 million. I don't think it is rational to think they should get up and move. I mean it's been a country for 60 years. Give it up already.
*Iranian president says Holocaust was 'fabricated' - See my feelings on Jewish conspiracies below.
Hitler salute greets concentration camp visitors - Yep, apparently there are some Germans who think they won the war. I plan on going to see the concentration camps before I'm 30. I am going to go out on limb & say if there are singing Aryans when I arrive it will piss me off.

Enjoy the rest of my random tidbits about the Jews...Some are even funny I promise.

1) What is a Jew?
Just for the record most of the Jews I have met were Atheists (Can you blame them?). This is NOT an oxymoron. One who claims to be Jewish can be referring to the religion of Judaism. However they can also be referring to themselves as Jewish in reference to their ethnic background.

2) Can anyone tell me how the Jews ended up with such a bad rep?
This is a people that has been mercilessly persecuted for like the last 2000 years for no apparently good reason. I mean they roamed the desert for 40 fucking years. How dangerous can they be if their directions to the holy land were that bad? Sheesh.

3) The Jewish Conspiracies:
First there is the whole world domination theory that Hitler was big on. Even before the Holocaust Jews were approximately one tenth of one percent of the population. The idea that they were secretly plotting to take over the world is just asinine. Like they were really going to bring down civilization with a dreidel & a copy of the Old Testament.
Then there was the whole ritual murder of Christian children during the middle ages. Most days I think they are too many Christians any way, so picking off a few once a year doesn't seem like an entirely bad idea. There is zero proof that blood libel against Christians by Jews was anything but bullshit. Though notably the Catholic church didn't concede that it was a myth until the Vatican II in 1962. Gee, nice of them to take 500 years to admit they might be wrong about something.

4) Marketing should rethink this one:
Courtesy of Ivory Valentine I offer you the Little People Hanukkah Play Set. The first accessory listed for this quaint toy: "Pieces include: Stove unit with doors that open". I'm pretty sure the Jews have had enough of the whole oven thing at this point, but maybe that is just me.
5) Thwarting an unwanted advance Jew style:
So, Mr. Robinson went out to dinner with a friend of his a couple weeks ago. While at dinner someone who knew his older sister in college recognized him (how you recognize someone who was in high school the last time you saw them is beyond me). She tagged along with them to a bar & then shared a cab with MR back across town. When the cab got to her place she leaned over to kiss him. He wasn't interested. So he tells me "I did the Christian thing and turned the other cheek". I thought it was a hysterical answer.

6) Jews Surrender In The Holiday Tree Battle:
For an absolutely hysterical post from an actual Jew, go read Davenetics' post on what words Jews are taking back in exchange for the Christmas tree. My personal favorites:
*Wildly surpassing a woman’s lovemaking expectations: Jewing it
*New York: Jew York
*New Testament: Alternative Ending
Paying Retail: Premature Ejaculation

I'm done with my Jewish history lesson now. I just get intensely frustrated when people condemn others for such pathetically stupid & inconsequential reasons. I guarantee if you talk to someone for 5 minutes they will give a good reason not to like them. One that has nothing to do with their race, sexuality, ethnicity or whatever other superficial hangup you may have. I'm all for equal opportunity hate.

(PS - I just won my 200th battle at BE! I'm feeling all Sally Field about it.)


I'm not a Jew and I am not German but there is no doubt whatsoever that the Holocaust happened. To suggest that it did not is not simply ignorant, it's evil.

I thought it was funny that Alaska was specifically mentioned as a place for Israel to move to. The funny thing is that if Israel reformed in some part of Alaska, they would probably find the only acreage for hundreds of miles in either direction WITHOUT oil under it, as they find in the current Israel.

That's my one jewish joke.

I have a problem with people calling the President a Nazi. The President is many things, most of them unflattering in my opinion, but he's not a Nazi, not even close.

Even Ann Coulter, who I consider actually and actively evil, is not a Nazi.

Some words have to be used judiciously.

Thanks for addressing this issue!

10:31 PM  

Note, the baby should fit into the oven...

I won't even start with the pizza or ashtray jokes...

12:29 AM  

We like you, we really like you!

9:21 PM  

Kick ass, someone got my joke.

9:24 PM  



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