Quarter Lifer

Quarter Lifer: Sunday Is A Good Day To Be Pointless


Sunday Is A Good Day To Be Pointless

It's true. Only on Sunday does doing nothing seem overly appropriate. So, my post today (partially inspired by I Talk Too Much's weblog awards) is devoted to two blogs I find incredibly pointless. Normally I don't dis other blogs. It's kind of low even for me. Not to mention I may alienate a potential reader. I mean just because I think these people are crazy doesn't mean they couldn't love my amazing blog right?

*No links to these sites will be provided in an attempt to save you the suffering I have gone through. However, if you are a masochist both can be found through Blog Explosion.

Loser #1: Humpty Lumpty
The gist of this blog is that a woman pumped out 4 kids and is now having plastic surgery to repair the 'damage' they have caused her body. As someone who is constantly struggling with weight I can not feel this woman's pain in the least. From what I can gather she is about 5'4" & 119lbs. The way her posts read you'd think she weighed 300lbs.
I am 5'7" and look decent for my 201lbs. I have weighed more & on occasion less. Either way it is something that I have had to deal with my whole life & it is not easy. Therefore I can NOT sympathize with this whiny self obsessed bitch. If her body was so important then why put it through four fucking pregnancies??
The post line that put me over the edge: Soon I will be able to have sex with my husband without being embarrassed about being on top.
So basically what you are saying is that your husband is as shallow as you are & you clearly aren't comfortable in your own body. I don't think surgery will fix either of those things sweetie.

Loser #2: 3 Is The Charm
First off I just have to note that the proper use of the cliche is to say "The third time is the charm'. If you are lame enough to name your blog with a cliche at least respect yourself enough to use the cliche properly. Otherwise you just look like an idiot.
On to the content...Apparently the only way this guy could stay married was to get jesus in on the action. He is on his 3rd marriage and is wholly convinced this one is working because he let the lord in on the action.
There was an article in Rolling Stone this summer about virginity. Reading the article so infuriated me that it became the catalyst for this blog (Go back & read it, it's a funny post). I have huge problems with the idea of making all sexual relationships threesomes with god! That is just retarded.
Awhile back I ended up on the date from hell with an Irish Catholic (he was even originally from Boston). In between his stories about beating up people in a noble way he informed me that before he has sex with a girl he always takes off his crucifix. Apparently even he knew that god is not needed for people to have orgasms.
Just so we are all clear on how not to irritate me: Use cliches properly. Only refer to sex & god at the same time if it is in the context of "She couldn't stop screaming 'Oh God!' last night".
The post line that put me over the edge: The gay ass banner on the top that announces "As for me & my blog will serve the lord".
Whatever, all blogs are for the most part self-indulgent. Even mine. There is nothing in the bible about blogs so ditch the lame ass banner.

The Runners Up:
*Mommy blogs: You know who you are. I don't care that your offspring took a shit today.
*Haiku Blogs: What is up with these? You can count syllables & this means you need a blog? I really hate haikus. Poetry for the lame & unartistic.
*Blogs that make noise without me asking them to: I block audio blogs for a reason. I hate surfing blogs only to get stuck with some fucking Celine Dion song blaring at me, an audio clip of the blogger themselves (What? Are you too lazy to type? Spell check down? Please), music videos, any sort of talking audio widget that you have decided your blog could not survive without or (as happened to me today) a Dubya speech that no matter what I did could not be shut the fuck up.


Just in case you didn't see, I won an award for your fabulous blog design! I put it under credits, cos technically it's yours! Congrats girl! That'll put marzipan in your pie plate - Bingo!

11:49 PM  

And don't forget the spam blogs -- the thinly disguised ads for just about anything that are proliferating across the blogosphere these days.

Oh yes, and that one blog I found which was a man's "love blog" to his pickup truck. Yikes.

-- david

5:03 AM  

I'm SO glad that I'm not the only one who hates "Humpty Lumpty" every time I see her page, it makes me want to go kick her in the shins. Yes, having children will take a toll on your body, but it's not like that's a shock. She looked fine before, I don't know why she wanted surgery to look like a porn star - and she said her new boobs were a Christmas present for her husband? Ew.

Way to set a fabulous example for your children.

end rant

8:15 AM  

I like your blog, I think it's provocative and extremely funny, however, I think your a cynic, as am I. Are there any blogs you do like?

8:46 AM  

KP, you forgot to mention the nauseating post-op pictures that appear gigantic on Humpty Lumpty! I barely managed to get passed them to even read the blog and know what was going on before I went off on BEG about it!

8:58 AM  

Hehehe.. Love it! I'm a huge IT2M fan.. I'm about your weight as well.. and well, I've decided that a small shirt and a large shirt are the same price.. so I'm going to get my money's worth dammit!

9:44 AM  

You should link to their blogs in the post and get a nice blog war going on. Nothing like getting the "housewife militia" all riled up.

I've seen some of your pix and you shouldn't let these twits make you feel bad at all. You're really pretty, have a better head on your shoulders, and write about far more interesting subject matter.

12:30 PM  

DA - Im glad I missed that one. I mean you can love your truck, just dont love your truck.

C8 - Yay! I knew I couldn't be alone with that one.

RG - Would you love my blog as much if I were all puppies & sunshine? And yes, there are plenty of blogs I love. Bonanza Jellybean is prolly my fave. I also read the stuff in my blogroll as well as the blogs of my regulars like Eric, DA & the 502.

IV - Yeah, she mentioned you were as up in arms as I was. I found the preop pics worse though. The ones where she shows you she almost has a tummy make me want to tear my hair out. Alternately I should take some pics of me in the same pose & explain to her what real problems are.

OLL - Im with you. Im perfectly happy being a sexy large, just not up for being anything involving an X in the size. I wonder if Lumpy realizes the weight those tits are going to add to her bottom line. I swear my DD's feel like 5 lbs a piece most days...but at least they are real!

Jason - Thank you. What a sweetie. I actually wanted to link, but I'm afraid my evil post will show up through technorati or something. Though I dont really care much if I offend people I have (somehow) managed to rant & rave for the last 6 months w/o attracting any hate mail. Im kind of proud of that....and shocked to be honest.

One last thing to point out...Can anyone explain why this post of all of mine is like a comment magnet? Who knew bitching about something so mundane would spark such interest? Oh well...Im going to take the attention & run with it!

1:03 PM  

Yeah, I have a dog...a lover of animals I am.

But I'm concerned about what you might say...

that's probably why I like your blog, however this pose as an oppurtunity for you to knock something I like.

Well somewhere in there is a point. Nevermind.

1:42 PM  

OMFG that humpty lumpy one makes my eyeballs ITCH. I always want to leave her a comment referring to Body dysmorphic disorder, but then I figure, why bother? The words are too long...

While I have a parents blog, it's not all "I POOPED TODAY!" and it's pretty low key, but I cannot stand the blogs whose sole purpose in posting seem to be BITCHING AND MOANING ABOUT A: Mommy Blogs, B: Losing to Mommy Blogs at Battle of the Blogs C: Dorky things said on Mommy Blogs. If they are SO bad WHY do these people keep reading them when they can skip them?? (not you my dear-you only made a small comment, and you don't ramble on like I do)

10:24 AM  



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