Players: Tyler

The Love of My Life, Sort of:

Meet Tyler. He is often in this pose. It is the 'I'm about to tell you why you are wrong' pose.

Tyler & I were not dating for a year. He won me over with his intellect, patience, cooking & sodomy skills.
Tyler is by far the closest thing I have had to a successful relationship. Of course if you are anyone but me this is not saying much.
Despite a rough transitional period to 'just friends' we remain very close. Close in a way that is rare & special. I know he loves & cares for me and would go to the ends of the earth for me. I have little trust in people outside of my mother & my best friend. Ty managed to slip into that sacred category.

We gave up the sex, but I got to keep the truly important things: He still makes me dinner, I still buy the wine to go with it & we still talk for hours sharing the things we don't tell anyone else. He still sees me cry more than anyone ever has and being near him is still the safest place I have ever found.

Players: Adrianna

The Best Friend:

Meet Adrianna. She does not always look like Scully I swear.

I have known this girl for nearly a decade. I adore her & prolly would have had far more nervous breakdowns without her around to smack me upside the head & call me a moron (in a loving way of course).
Currently, she lives 3 hours away in the godforsaken town of Wausau. If it weren't for her diligent treks down to Mke I'd be miserable.

We have been through a lot: Horse Shows, partying, travel and college.

The most important thing about a best friend is that no matter what comes out of your mouth the person doesn't think you are nuts. I have a firm belief that as long as one other person on the planet agrees with what you are saying it can't be too fucked up. Adrianna is my other person.

I like the people in my life crazy & eccentric. Dre is all that & more. I love her to death.

Slap Your Co-Worker Day!!

Tomorrow is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:
Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a damn about? Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it? Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very glad to officially announce tomorrow as SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY!

These are the rules you must follow:
1) You can only slap one person per hour - no more.
2) You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
3) You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.
4) No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.
5) CURSING IS MANDATORY! After you have slapped the recipient, your "assault" must be followed with something like "cause I'm sick of your stupid-a$$ always messing up stuff!"
6) If questioned by a supervisor [or police, if the supervisor is the irritant], you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE!

Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping.....and h ave a great day

The Slaughterhouse Spank

When a person has their partner read Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five while being spanked. Any change in tone, volume or speed warrants a harder spanking.

Masochistic Monday

It's a lot like Manic Monday, only worse. How could it be worse than a Bangles song you ask?
It can, trust me...

I have never dreaded a Monday quite like this one. I decided it was Masochistic Monday yesterday. Anticipating a shitty day that far in advance is a tad depressing.

So far my day is going as predicted. I could be clarivoyent, but Im going to go with just feeling hyper cynical right now.

I have decided in order to fully embrace the wrath of today I will do the following:
1) Im going to attempt to seduce the Intern into beating me up in a consentual fashion (Read: Im into BDSM). I figure this would be the most appropriate use of Masochistic Monday. I'd be helping today live up to its name.

2) I will inevitably get shot down. Most likely passed over for some sort of math problem.

3) The upside to getting shot down: There is actually more pain in getting rejected than having sex that leaves marks. Hence, I will end up maximizing the amount of self-inflicted pain possible on good ol' Masochistic Monday.

Flesh: The Intern

The Intern is my summer project gone awry. I feel the need to explain the situation well, pretty much because it is so fucked up I think it should be shared....



1) Boy Meets Girl:
I received an email at CollarMe.com (If you can't tell these would be BDSM personals) from a strange young man. He had seen my account at Alt.com. In an attempt to contact me in a cheaper fashion he came across my Amazon reviews & lists. (Btw, this is what you get for sticking to the same handle everywhere) Now, I'm a potentially interesting, intelligent and kinky person. Finally, he finds my Collar Me account, which can be written to for free. Lucky him.

2) Girl is dumb:
I couldn't help but respond to this interesting young man who seemed to go through a lot of hoops to write me for free. I have paid for this error in judgement.

3) Girl Meets Boy:
Come to find out that said boy is an intern for the same company I work for. Wow, its like karmic. So I agree to have a 'business lunch' with him. I determine the Intern is strange, but intriguing. This is really all it takes to get me to see you again - Be strange & intriguing. I also determine that since he is 5 years my junior this is the perfect Mrs. Robinson-esque summer fling.

4) Girl & Boy, naked:
For whatever reason the first couple attempts at sex have been less than successful. A warning I suggest you heed: If a man ever tells you that once he stopped having sex with his girlfriend to get up and write down a linear algebra equation - RUN! Even if he lost his virginity in a graveyard & has all the potential in the world, you must run!

5) Girl, Boy & Girl:
I only wish I were referring to a threesome. There is something I could get behind. Nope, instead I get a clusterfuck. The Intern mysteriously cancels our Saturday plans to get high & let me seduce him. Come to find out he has an online friend he has known for 2 plus years. As far as he knows said person is a 20 yr old man in Britain. Friday he gets a call from a 17 yr old girl who is in Kentucky on her way to Wisconsin and she would be 'Gabriel' the British guy. So, she shows up & he proceeds to put her up (much to the chagrin of his ultra Christian roommate) fro like 5 days. I tried to explain the ramifications of harboring an underage girl from Florida whose parents don't know where she is at your apartment. The story goes downhill from there including DXM, knife fight scars & her strong desire to kill ducks with her bare hands.

6) Conclusion:
Why me? Even my summer flings end up in mass quantities of drama. Sigh.